We, the Team Owners of the Ramrod Dynasty League, demand that you relinquish your brutal hold on our Sports Souls.
All of us began as simple sports fans, our first decades spent following the teams that we were handed down from whomever showed us the light. Those years were filled with discussions of real sports, and always with the beloved company of our closest friends.
Then one day we all began to see another light, a light that not only shined brighter than any light before it, but also expanded the capacity of which our brains could retain sporting information.
All of us followed the light, and it lead us to the Garden of Ramrod. The fruit the Garden bared was ripe with knowledge. Every sporting event now warranted our attention. Our ability to analyze not only the Sport itself, but also every team and the players that made up the roster grew rapidly. There was nothing in the sporting world that could ever happen with out us knowing.
But these gifts came with a price. From the moment we discovered the Garden, the Fantasy Gods of Mount Ramrod had control of our Sporting Souls. They pitted us against each other in terrible battles for their own amusement. They laughed as we suffered the agony of a horrible Fantasy Day. Certain profesional players were cursed to never perform on teams that were spited by the Gods, only to be sacrificed to the waiver wire and then picked up by another Ramrod Owner, and allowed to flourish.
But after they would laugh, they would reward the chosen few with Ramrod Trophies. They let us know who sacrificed the most to please the Gods, all while keeping us drunk with Greed and Envy. They beat the sporting part of our hearts like it was a drum; playing War, Victory, and Mourning songs simultaneously.
Now we demand the chance to War on fair battle grounds. We want retribution for the injuries you have cursed out teams with, the horrible trades you tempted us into making that you knew would cause harm to our Line-ups, and the Trophies you promised us that you would go on to award to other Ramrod’rs.
Retract these Plagues from existence and we will retract our call for reparations. Allow us to compete at full strength with complete confidence in our Line-ups. This would give us peace of mind in knowing that our team was worth as much as our capabilities in the League Standings, and that we were not being scorned by some rabid God who punished us because we were gifted the ability to own a Ramrod Team; something he himself could never possess, only being able to change the fate of the League, not the will of the Owner.
Restore our Faith that we are followers of a righteous path, not lambs being led to slaughter. Let us battle each other with knowledge, not luck.
Grant these requests, and we will continue to sacrifice the hours of our lives we devote everyday to finding the appropriate gifts to donate in our Daily Lineups to the you, The Gods of Mount Ramrod, with the most grateful intentions and absolute devotion.
Breaking News!!! The Stonecutters acquire Prince Fielder and Scott Kazmir for Jon Lester and Joey Votto.
The Legion of Goons get Ricky Romero and Stephen Strasburg
The Seasoned Rookies get Justin Morneau and Rick Porcello
The Legion of Goons Receive Mark Teixeira for Johan Santana and Jair Jurrjens